So, I haven’t been publishing here for a long time. However, I went on a trip towards the end of August and this is the only place where I have enough space to share my experience. So, without further ado, let’s get started.
I had never been to the coast until this Malindi trip. I couldn’t wait to meet the ocean. Dad had told me that I would be totally mesmerized the first time I saw it. Well, I won’t bog you down with the details of how we got there (maybe I will in another piece).
But it was the first time I saw the ocean that melted my heart. We had just gotten to what would be our Malindi home, Le Pleiadi. As we were choosing the rooms, I wanted to go upstairs, just for the view.
When I got there, I saw the ocean. I was, just like dad said, mesmerized. For a moment, I took it all in. It was like a giant mountain of water on the horizon. It was beautiful. At this point, all I wanted was to stare at this body mass in awe and wonder.
Too bad we are humans who need shelter. Seriously, I could have lived by the ocean if it were safe. But Geography people will tell you something about the tide and water levels that would make this a terrible idea.
Ocean exploration day one. Me and one of my new family members, ‘The Ocean’s 12’ went on our first escapade. The sand at the beach was one of a kind. It gave this subtle allure of a desert, but a shiny and shimmering one.
The little waves felt quite uncomfortable. As the little waves hit my legs and went back to join the bigger wave family, I was left dizzy, unstable and with a feeling of being pulled backwards, as the sand shifted. The medical experts here would tell me that I was experiencing a balance disorder, because the vestibular system or the labyrinth, which controls balance, were well, out of balance?
Anyway, as someone who has a serious water phobia, aquaphobia if you may, this could easily have been a warning to stay as far away as humanly possible from water. However, the ocean is a beauty to behold, and she will have you come admire her beauty in spite of your phobia diagnosis.
But that evening, the entire Ocean’s 12 family was back at the water game. There are those of us who were bold and courageous and went further into the ocean, where the waves were stronger and bigger. Some of us, like me, despite the imbalance, could only manage the smaller waves. And the rest of us, loved the beach and dry land, and opted to take in the aqua’s beauty from afar.
I was still so scared though, and every time I saw a wave coming, my immediate instinct was to run. I stayed though, and that was the end of day one.
Day two, I decided to go hang out with my new found friend, Miss Ocean. This time though, I decided that she was going to provide a backdrop for a little work out. So, off we went with my roommate.
I have an extremely curious inner child, despite the aquaphobia. As we ran further, my roommate decided to stay and I decided to go explore a bridge that I could see way ahead of me. There were people on it, but I couldn’t see what they were up to.
So I finally got to the bridge and saw a group of children, all boys, diving into the ocean. How did they get that courage? I wondered. I wanted to get on the bridge, and so I started to find a way to get up on it. The kids called out to me and told me I “auntie, hapo hakuna njia, iko huku kwingine”.
Finally, I found some stairs and walked all the way, just to have a better view of the boys diving into the ocean. The view here was great.
Day 3. Here is where the rubber met the road. Or is it the boat hull meets the ocean? Anyway, needless to say, the very thought gave me so much anxiety. I however convinced myself that snorkelling was possible, thanks to some You Tube tutorials I had watched before the trip.
Challenge 1: get into the boat that was a little away from the shore. Turns out it couldn’t come all the way to where we were since it was too shallow. Mh? Really? Well, they brought the boat as far as they could, and girl, it was time to fight through fear number one.
I tried not to imagine what awaited me from this moment on, as I would rather be surprised (hopefully pleasantly) instead of adding to the anxiety.
Life jackets on, check. Did someone say sometimes the water gets into the boat? How pathetic, I thought. As the waves rocked the boat, I was not sure how much longer I would persevere that uncomfortable feeling in my tummy. I hoped it would get better soon. Become an acquired taste, as my friends like to say.
Whether it was a result of joy or anxiety, I suggested we sing some childhood tunes. That helped I guess?
Challenge 2: Meet our very own Kenyan Atlantis. I kid you not, there is a land mass under the water which you can see when the water levels are low, during the day. Well, there was still water covering the island, so why not enjoy nature’s very own version of a swimming pool?
Do you remember our water groups? The brave went on to dive and swim, while the second group needed lots of support just to get into the water. We are talking about encouragement, floaters and literally being held. And then there was the last group that loves to enjoy the view from safety, only that this time there was less membership.
Abby, it was time to try and swim in the open waters, the sea, the ocean. Whatever you call it, it didn’t change the fact that I was absolutely intimidated by the sheer amount of water. Well, eventually, I no longer needed to be held and I could float around only with a floater. In fact, I began to enjoy it.
Then I realized what the battle had been all along. Why I was scared of water. It was a battle of trust and control. Why would I trust a water body with my life and give it control? No, I am in charge here. The feeling in my stomach was because I had to let go to swim free.
When I eventually gave away my floater, it was still difficult to float and swim, not because I hadn’t been trained to do so. In fact, 4 years ago when I decided to learn how to swim, I had an amazing trainer.
But here I was, with all the knowledge but couldn’t let go. A friend offered to help me float and hold on to his hands, and well, I did float and swim a little.
The best part of this Atlantis moment was how quiet and peaceful it was when I floated and let go (even with the floater). I experienced what my friend Joy experienced when we went swimming. I understood why for a moment she would let go and be so still it made me worried. That’s a moment I would live for right there.
Well, I still have aquaphobia. It’s going to take more than one swim in the ocean for me to be able to find how to vibe with water.
If you thought my nightmare was over, you are wrong, as it just had started. We went back to the boat and this time the rocking felt more natural.
It was snorkelling time. Yes, you heard me right. As I sat on the boat, I wondered whether I was going to try it out. Our Ocean’s 12 family, as usual, led by the bravest of us, were the first to go, and they encouraged us to join them.
I was the last one to try it. When I got into the water I decided that this was not for me. I had never been in water that was in essence bottomless and this open. Well, my friends encouraged me to try it out. And with the trainer holding me, or rather, me holding, or clinging to dear life, into the ocean I went.
When I got my glimpse of the home below the turbulent sea surface, for a moment, the beauty and stillness captured me. People, it’s an entire world down there. I couldn’t stay very long, as the reality, things kwa ground, ama maji…
But I want to go and swim with the fish. That means something like learning Scuba Diving. Why not make it a goal in the coming years?
Anyway, by now you might be thinking that that was it. Well, there is just one more chronicle. So, just hold on.
It was the last day. Time to bid Malindi goodbye. I suddenly developed anxiety about going back home. I needed to understand why. So, to the ocean I went, in the company of my journal, pen and music. There is a song called “Only Hope” by Switchfoot. It has a line like “when it feels like my dreams are so far”, “Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again”
I sat down and journalled with the ocean being my mirror. How was it that it felt so turbulent inside, despite the beauty just in front of me? All the same, I met a few people that morning, and a happy pup too.
It was time for my final ocean interaction. Into the waves I walked. The imbalance was not as pronounced as day 1. I allowed the waves to hit me. As they did, I felt better. And I was like, Voila! Wave therapy!
I stayed as long as I needed to, and went further and further into the waves. I learnt to wait for the waves to hit me and prepare. I even crouched and allowed them to hit me squarely. I learnt to dance with the waves. And the song for this moment was Mike Donehey’s “Follow You into the Fire”, which became “Follow You into the Ocean”.
But before I go, I find it prudent to let you know of my most significant moments of awe. As a Christian, sometimes when I read the Bible, I may not comprehend the depth of the passages. So, when I first met the ocean, it was mind blowing to think that the massive water was a result of words from a Supreme Creator…Let there be.
The second moment for me was when Peter said that he wanted to walk to where Jesus was if he really was the Saviour (Matthew 14:22-33). I cannot imagine the sheer amount of faith it took for Peter to walk on such a body of water. Honestly, I could use a faith like that.
It was time for adios. Maybe I will get a chance to see the ocean again, maybe not. However it may be, the ocean will always be my favourite place to go to, in person, or in memory. Did I tell you that in my meditations I have always imagined myself sitting by the shore, staring at the ocean? I did get to do that a lot in Malindi, so it was a dream come true for me.
ofsol 
I love the read…. I got a true sense of your new found friend ‘miss ocean🥰’
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Thanks Pesh
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